aching

my soul cries for You.
the deepest part of who I am thirsts to be with You.
my being aches for Your presence.
desperation, finally.
I find satisfaction in the hunger.
O keep me from confusing my hunger with Your feast.
O keep me from the pride of one who longs for You
but finds himself,
and likes himself for the sentiment.
for it is not ultimately my own relief I seek.
I seek You, Jesus, for who You are.
I seek not to be humble, but to be humbled by You,
the honor of the Highest helping me lower.
I seek not humility, but humiliation from Your hand,
the honor of sharing in Your sufferings.
I seek You.
my very existence aches for You,
physical, immaterial.
and yet I ache to continue aching.
but only if my aching is to embrace more
of what I’ve found to both ease and intensify the pain.
O glorious hurt! O purifying flame!
scar the sin that has so long scarred you!
cause this sinful flesh to crack,
to pour forth water, saline tears,
the sweat of sin forced to flee.
conform me, Father, to the image of Your Son.
tear my heart over sin the way You tore His flesh.
and assuage my fears.
steady my trembling soul.
brace my trust.
persecute and torture my doubts
until they recant and abandon their efforts.

in this silence

in this silence,
I find my heart asking
for what I sometimes fear:

for You to bring Your death
to what is now not me
anymore.

my cowering darkness
clings to
this lack of talk,

knowing that when You speak
it has no where to go,
no where to run.

my will betrays my fears,
praying haphazardly
for Your violent words;

words that can make
an apple pie from scratch
now threatening to make something new

out of me.

excited

For the first time in a long time, I'm excited about the future.
I feel Your leading and have a sense of what could be possible
if I release my will to Yours.

My thoughts are on prayer and bible study. A desire
to understand and know the mysteries of You.

I feel You encouraging me to become more than what I am.
I'm excited that I'm thinking about You, when I didn't before.
I like how it affects my view of the current circumstance.
It is good to know that You as my Author
are still writing in my book.

You are the Maker

inhale, breathe. you are free,
made anew within Me.
like a flower in the spring,
you are anew within Me.

within me. within me.
inhale, breathe.
inhale, breathe.
you are alive within Me.

open your eyes
and look around-
darkness is gone,
faith is found.

just like the seasons that
come and go,
so does your life
that I have made so.

given to Me,
your life will be
like a tree

that looses its leaves
and comes back to life
abundantly.

everything changes

lonliness creeps up on me in a room full of people
fear comes calling even when surrounded by family and friends
worry grips the nerves even when there is
no control over the outcome
doubt pushes at the corners of the mind
with no real reason

but then, with the very thought of Jesus
everything changes!

when I hear Him call my name and
speak to me in my darkest moments-
everything changes!

when I feel His Almighty presence in my life
everything changes!

When I am reminded time and time again
of His faithfulness
everything changes!

When I allow Him to work in me
and through me
everything changes!

I am His and He is mine
in everything.

i want to go

"This is what the Sovereign God, the Holy One of Isreal says:
'In repentance and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust in your strength. '" Isaiah 30:15

Lord, I am so weary and it is a
mental and emotional weariness that
comes from letting this world and
the cares of this world drain me.

I spend my days hurrying, assessing, documenting, thinking
talking, observing, writing, giving, caring

Lord, I want to stay in Your presence--
I want to rest in you every day, all day
to be filled, renewed, restored, revitalized
by You. I want to be strengthened
through You, in You, by You.

Today I heard a child say
"I want to go to heaven."
and I had to shout out-
"Oh! So do I!"

Lord I can't wait to be in Your presence
FOREVER and EVER

But today, at this moment, keep me close to You
be my strength
be my everything
I trust You in all things.

1 John 3:19-20

I'm standing on the edge
Will I fly or will I fall?
If I fly--for how long?
If I fall--or when I fall--will it hurt?
How much?

"Perfect love casts out fear"
I love You, God
I believe "God is love"
I still stand here on the ledge...Afraid

Yet what if I fall?

Some of the greatest moments in my life
came after a fall.
It was after the fall of a broken heart
that I discovered the love of my Father
It was after the fall of my pride
that I felt the gentle touch of a Savior
It was after realizing the emptiness of false hope and empty talent
that I experienced the beauty of worship.

In my mind I hear the lies.
I feel the doubt in my heart.
But Your word says "whenever our heart condemns us,
God is greater than our hearts and
he knows everything"
I hold You to that.

Father, tell me when to jump and I will
tell me where to go and I will
tell me what to do and I will
Whenever, Whatever, Wherever

When doubts come, you are bigger
When fears surface, you are stronger
When my comfort is tested, Lord, You are worth letting it go
Whatever life you have for me on the other side of the ledge
I know is better than where I stand now.
Whill I fly or will I fall....I know either one is worth the journey.